Over on Rach Writes today, she challenged us to write a 200 word sample that began with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall,” included the word orange, and ended with “Everything faded.” Here’s what I came up with. It is a glimpse of a creature I’ve been perfecting in my stories for a while. Hope you like it on her blog and vote for it.
Autopilot
Traci Kenworth
Shadows crept across the wall when I opened the door to my apartment. I dashed inside. I reached for the chain, and my heartbeat slowed. There’d been someone following me. The sweat from the night’s heat and my race across town made my nose wrinkle. I moved further into the dark interior of my kitchen. Ouch. I smacked into one of the breakfast stools while I dropped my purse on the counter.
I searched for the light switch and flicked it. The room remained dark. A shadow—human in form—took shape. It was her. The girl with the orange tank top. I braced myself on the wall behind me, my gaze going to the door. Could I—
“You wouldn’t make it,” she said.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“What you should be asking yourself is what I am.”
I swallowed, my throat dry. “Okay then. What are you?”
Lips peeled back to reveal cougar-like teeth.
My scream surged adrenaline into my veins and I lunged for the door. She was on me before I got halfway there, her nails shredding my clothes, digging into my flesh. As those teeth impaled my neckline, everything faded…
Traci Ashbe Dark Fantasy Author 
98 responses to “The First Campaigner Challenge Entry…”
oh, I love it! Nice build up of tension.
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Thanks, Jenny!!
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Oooh, I like it. Great job!
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Thanks, Carrie!!
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ah! scary! nice job!
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Thanks, Tara!!
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Whoo! Action! Fear! I love it. :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
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Thanks, Susan!!
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Creepy! I love it! I’m stalking you from Rachael’s campaign!
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Thanks, Betsy!! Stalk away!! LOL.
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Love it! Haven’t written mine yet :)
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Thanks, Lori!! Good luck with yours!!
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Ohh. Cool and creepy. Nice.
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Thanks, Julie!!
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Nice. =)
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Thanks, Elizabeth!!
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And Chandara!!
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Great job! I definitely liked the tension, and I hate when I run into something in the dark!!
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Oh, yes. I hate when my keys drop outside my door and I forgot to turn my outside light on. Eek.
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Very nicely done! Great intense feeling.
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Thanks, Miranda!!
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Wow! Very scary! I love the build up.
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Thanks, Laurie!!
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Love the tension you managed to build in 200 words! I was gripped to the end
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Thanks, W!!
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This one leaves me looking over my shoulder. You did a great job creating a suspenseful mood! :-) Nice job!
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Thanks, C.B.!!
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Beware the cougar-girl!
#83
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Thanks, Charmaine!!
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Ok I confess, I just had to click the link you made to the word light switch and it totally got me lost in Wikipedia. Back on track again and even more afraid of going into a dark room then before. Well written….Creepy ending.
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Thanks, Siv Maria!!
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Nice! Love the teeth. Is she a were-cougar?
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No, she’s actually a blood-drinking, flesh-eating nightmare of a creature. Thanks for stopping by, Alexia!!
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Freaky! Love it. I’m #111 at the end :)
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Thanks, Lori!! Will be starting the list of entries today. Hospital visits put me behind but I’m catching up today & tomorrow.
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Holy moly, what an ending. Poor girl. I almost feel bad for enjoying the story so much.
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Thanks, Avery!! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
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Beautiful! Completely engaging. You clearly have talent so keep up the hard work :)
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Oh, thank you so much, Ingrid!! That will keep me writing for a month or more with a smile on my face!!
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Well, that’s a sucky way to die. But it’s a good read!
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Thanks, Gwen!!
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Great story! I loved the tension. You held me to the end. Cougar teeth? EEEwwww!
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Thanks, KS!!
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Thanks, K.S.!!
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eccccccckk! i am so afraid now! zowie!
:)
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Lol–thanks, Jodi!!
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Very nice! You have a very smooth writing style.
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Thanks Sara!!
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Great suspense and action here. New follower here!
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Welcome, JC!! Thanks for your comments.
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Very tense, great pacing. Like it a lot!
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Thanks, Nick!!
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This is where I scream in fright. Well done.
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Thanks, Jamie!!
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This was well paced and right amount of tension…Enjoyed it.
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Thanks, Rek!!
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I liked the pacing on this one :-) And the bit of dialogue at the end.
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Thanks, Rachel!!
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Okay, I was totally hooked. Dark and creepy just like I love it. Great job.
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Thanks, Mina!!
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Oh no! I was hoping she’d get away…
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Oops, sorry.
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Great job, I was totally on edge left wanting more!
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Thanks, C.M.!!
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Makes me want to know, why this character? Hmmmm….
Tale Spinning, #58
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Thanks, bornstoryteller!!
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I really like the voice and pace here, Traci! Good job! :-)
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Thanks, Christy!!
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Ouch! that was great. I love her saying you should ask what I am.
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Thanks, Bridget!!
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Wow… great tension! And spooky *shudders*
(I’m no. #166)
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Creepy scary! I would flip put!
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Thanks, J.A. It’s always good to hear I captured the right mood.
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Oh! I would love to read more of this! Just that snippet is so exciting and mysterious. There are so many different things you could do with a creature like that.
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I hope to show the world it someday. These creatures fill two of my wips right now, and I’m subbing one, hoping to hear news soon.
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This line scared the crap out of me: “Lips peeled back to reveal cougar-like teeth.” Well done!
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Thanks, Lady Gwen!!
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Oh, that was creepy :)
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Thanks, Nicole!!
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I’m sorry I’m here so late, I just had to say how much I liked the originality of the setting. Placing something like your creature in somewhere as ‘mundane’ as an apartment always makes it seem creepier to me!
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Thanks, Sarah!! And no worries, I’m still making my way through the entries too.
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Creepily wonderful. Great tension and writing! Now I just need to go around my house and turn on all the lights…not that it would help me!
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Thanks, Amber!! Lol–I always keep one light in the center of the house on “just in case.”
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Oooh scary, and no nice escape. Well written and suspenseful.
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Thanks, Claire!!
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Fantastic visuals and ultra creepy. I doubt I’d make it either. Really enjoyed it, great job.
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Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer!!
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I love the intensity and the build. Well done.
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Thanks, Tia!!
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Cool story! I liked your use of cougar-like teeth, which made me start visualizing the creature/person who attacked. Good luck in the Challenge!
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Thanks, Tina.
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An orange tank top and cougar teeth – how very intriguing!
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Lol-it boggles the imagination.
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I liked your story. How can I get involved in this prompted writing. I love writing to prompts. Shirley
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Are you a part of the campaign, Shirley? Rache Harris is hosting it on her blog and it’s part of how we’re all hopping from blog to blog to get to know one another. She’s had 2 campaign prompts so far, I believe you can still enter the 2nd up until this Friday. Here’s her blog address: http://www.rachelharrie.blogspot.com.au
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Thanks for letting me know about the campaign but I could not get the link to work. Blog Spot said there wasn’t a blog with that address. Will you double check it.
Shirley
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Try this: http://rachaelharrie.blogspot.com.au/
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Thanks, it worked.
Shirley
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